Kids listen. They hear things and interpret things in ways we may not as adults.
This week my sweet son let me know he was not opening his stocking on Christmas. I waited until he felt like telling me why and it came out that he was afraid that Santa was going to give him coal.
Where’d this come from? The song “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”.
He’d heard the lyric, “you’d better not cry” and because he’s got a larger dose of feeling and does cry more than his friends, he thought it put him on the naughty list.
My immediate desire was to take away this negative feeling. So I broke my parenting rules and tried to neatly ‘fix’ his feeling. I told him I was positive he was on the good list.
Guess what. It did not work. Reassurance is not a solution.
So the next day the feeling came back. He was still afraid he was on the naughty list.
Instead of “fixing”, I let his feeling be there and empathized with how uncomfortable it must be being afraid that he’s on the naughty list. We talked about the worst-case scenario if he does end up getting coal from Santa. And we talked about how it doesn’t make a person naughty to have feelings and to cry, that sometimes songs may not be right.
My son still is a little nervous because there is always the chance that he is on the naughty list, but he was able to accept the worst case. By not taking away his feeling, I’m giving him the confidence to tolerate an uncomfortable thought and prove that he can handle discomfort.
